498 Words About: Studying my own Corpse in Helldivers 2
I was fighting the Terminids by establishing a flag pole for Super Earth…or maybe I was destroying an enemy propaganda tower…or maybe I was destroying an Automaton factory?
It doesn’t matter!
Liberty was on the line, and I was ready to do my part for sweet Democracy. I set up two turrets, made sure my guns were loaded, and prepared for the eventual assault. Sure enough the enemies of freedom arrived in the form of a squadron of razor armed Automtons…or maybe it was a cluster of terminids? Like I said, it doesn’t matter. Besides, questioning the historic records is treason anyway. The point is I was ready for a fight, and sure enough in just a few short bursts of my Liberator assault rifle the vermin were nothing but masses of bloody slime on the dust, or maybe it was oil. The onslaught didn’t stop however, and I still had one minute and thirty seconds before my evacuation so the fight carried on.
Or, at least it did before, to my shame, I allowed my own weakness in the form of a mis-thrown orbital strike to threaten prosperity. I watched my Helldiver collapse in defeat.
I had failed democracy.
There’s no other explanation.
Fortunately for Liberty, and unfortunately for the enemies of Freedom, another Helldiver arrived to continue the fight. I killed the last wave, and stood beside the evacuation zone, waiting. While I did I looked down, and beside me was the body of the previous Helldiver who had perished.
Face-down in the dirt, smeared with blood, the body was a reminder of what I might have been: a threat to democracy and prosperity.
As I considered her failure I wondered about her. I wondered what her life had been leading towards, and if the choices she made were really her own. I wondered if she had considered the weight of her actions as she made a choice that led her to this place, this planet whose name I honestly couldn’t remember. The destruction of her body, the end of her life, were parts of the greater conflict that, at times, were an endless repetitive series of victories.
It was almost like a game.
Studying the mess of gore that was now her person I considered how many Helldivers had fallen to the Terminids and Automatons, and how many had just as quickly risen up to assume their place. The endless charge to victory and glory was paved with bodies that preceded me and were now like the corpse beneath me.
I shot a bug in the distance; killed it with one hit.
Then I returned to studying the corpse.
All this questioning was pointless, and, more importantly, treason against democracy. It didn’t matter who she was, what mattered was I had made 0.2% difference in the war effort.
The death of Helldivers is an unfortunate reality in this endless fight, but Liberty marches on, driven by those wise enough to avoid their own orbital strikes.
Joshua “Jammer” Smith
10.17.2024
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***UPDATE***
I’ve uploaded a video on YouTube of myself reading this essay. You can listen to me read it by following the link below: